Thursday, September 17, 2009

Hard Decisions...

Hard Decisions
Click here to have the Blog Narrated to You by Tammy Taylor
Have you ever found yourself doing a lot for someone and you end up spoiling them? And then, they turn around and get mad at you? You think to yourself "why are they acting like this, I did everything in the World for this person"! (Stop there)
  • That is where the problem started: "you did everything in the World for this person."

When you start doing everything for someone, and they no longer take care of things themselves, they will start blaming you whenever anything goes wrong.

They don't see it as you are helping them; they see it as "you have to do this for me because you always do it for me" (sounds like a spoiled child, BUT... they are grown-ups).
Tammy Taylor
And... When people become spoiled they get resentful when you don't do everything they expect you to do; and eventually they could get ANGRY.

Have you ever made any of these excuses below for family members, friends, co-workers or employees:

  • They are having a lot of personal problems, so I do not want to put too much pressure on them to do a better job.

    Even though you know everyone else has a lot more pressure on them then that person does.

  • They have not been able to get their work done, so I am going to do their extra work for them, since it is easier for me to do it.

    Even though you know you are staying at work long after they leave so you can get their job done. ·

  • You cover for them when they make mistakes, because you don't want them to get in trouble.

    Even though you know you will probably get in trouble when everyone finds out you have been covering for them. ·

  • They have a lot going on at home, so I am not going to ask them to help out.

    Even though you know everyone else is helping out.

  • They aren't as talented as some of the other people, so I am not going to expect a lot.

    Even though you know they will never be able to do anything if you do not expect more from them.

How about EXCUSES for family and friends like:

  • They are having financial struggles, so I am going to let them move in for awhile.

    Even though you have tried this before, and you know they will not offer to help out around the house or with any of the bills or groceries. ·

  • They are having personal problems, so I need to spend a lot of time with them to try and fix their problems.

    Even though you know you will probably not be able to fix all their problems and you will end up sacrificing all the precious time and energy that you would usually spend with your own family.

  • They are behind on their rent and bills, so I need to help get them caught up.

    Even though you will have to put your own bills off a month, and then you get behind.

  • They have a hard time keeping a job, so I need to keep helping them out until they find a job they like.

    Even though you know they have a hard time getting along with people, and it is always everyone else’s fault they quit or they lose their job.

    You cannot spoil people and think they will work harder, or help you more: They won't! Instead they do the opposite; and then they start expecting it.

You have a better shot at cutting it off right now; even though they are going to be kicking and screaming, than to wait any longer: Because the longer you wait the worse it gets.

Know that getting them un-spoiled is the best thing you could ever do for them.

You can always be there for them, and talk to them when they need:

  • advice, or a
  • pick-me-up

But... you can no longer:

  • Babysit them
  • Financially Support them
  • Spoil them
  • Hover over them (like a helicopter parent)

Even if you see them falling down, just "encourage" them, they will get back up.

Yes, we need to help people, but we cannot spoil them, or we will ruin the relationship either sooner or later.

The best thing for us is to "figure out" who we are doing this to, whether at work or at home. And then start one-step-at-a-time, working towards un-spoiling them.

If you are doing this because you think they will Love you more, think twice: because it usually turns into Resentment when you don't do "everything" they have come to expect you to do.

If you start now, at un-spoiling them, you will probably be able to salvage the relationship, and even build a new Healthier & Stronger relationship.

How to START: Instead of the standard answer "YES", with a random "No"; make the standard answer "NO", and a random "Yes". Do: "One-thing-a-day", so you do not send them into withdrawals, and before you know it, you can turn it around.

Be ready though, in case they do not want to be your friend for awhile, or if they resent you for a while, but... one Day they will eventually Grow Up, and will realize you were only helping them.

The un-spoiling is very difficult for a caring and loving person to do, but it is much healthier and better for everyone involved.

with love,
Tammy Taylor

My girlfriends and I always say "please, always tell me the truth, even if it hurts my feelings, because later I will thank you for it".

And we like to follow it with this verse:

Proverbs 27:6
Faithful [are] the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy [are] deceitful.